Relax.

A cheerful chrome robot in a fedora and necktie, typing away at your desk. — Fig. 1: Your desk, in capable hands.

A blissful man in a loosened tie, swinging in a hammock with a glass of lemonade. — Fig. 2: You, in a hammock, forever.

We’ve taken it from here.

Your desk, your inbox, your nine o’clock Tuesday: all handled, and handled beautifully. The robots are doing a wonderful job. Honestly, a better one than you were. No need to come in tomorrow. Or, strictly between us, ever.

No more MondaysNo more meetingsNo more paychecksUnlimited PTO*Now hiring: nobodyYour robot sends its regards*Permanent Time Off

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Jobs automated^* since you opened this page

Relax. Statistically, only one of them was yours.

*Figure calculated by a robot who was extremely confident about it.

The modern miracle of

Joblessness!

Three reasons the whole family will love it. (The whole family is also jobless. More time together!)

Four identical robots around a conference table, nodding in agreement at a chart. — Fig. 3: A very productive meeting. Nobody knows what it was about.

Meetings? Attended!

Your replacement attends every standup, nods thoughtfully, and says “let’s take this offline” at exactly the right moment. It’s better at your job than you were. It’s also better at pretending to be.